September - the longest month:
This month was hard. It was really. really. hard. It was hard personally and collectively. If you relate, hugs.
I felt alot of fear and anxiety that something horrible is going to happen. And it was totally granted: horrible and scary things are happening. White supremacy is reigning. Black and brown communities are in danger. We are literally in a pandemic - 7 months in and a long time ahead of us. My nervous system was in hyper/hypo arousal so often, because what I feared was actually happening. The smallest things would trigger a deep response of hypertension. This month invited me to practice asking for support and to practice receiving it. Naming my anxieties and having people around me remind me that it’s ok I feel that way was really healing. Looking forward to deepening interdependence.
I shared this through instagram:
““Things feel hard”
Is something that was said alot this past week. Or really this past year ha! Through the process of doing my own work and learning how to facilitate workshops that prioritize BIPOC thriving, I’m seeing how powerful it is to know/offer/see that there are options in every step we take.
Options that aren’t meant to overwhelm us, but to provide choice when maybe we didn’t have it before. So much about inner child work is not forcing the inner child into a corner and demand for their behavior to be a certain way. Or make ultimatums like “if you do” __ then “you can have” __. Or if they don’t behave in a certain way, there is punishment by withdrawal of affection and presence.
What does it mean to extend unconditional love to ourselves - to our inner wounded or thriving child - that doesn’t just pay lip service but is backed up by consistent behavior? It’s really difficult to do because we are human just like our caretakers. But change is so possible! And actually inevitable.
In everything I do, like a chore I am dreading. Or a conversation that is important that I’m anxious about. Or choosing a new color to add in a new art piece. I’m practicing giving myself options so that every decision I make is conscious and comes from a place of liberation.
I have more to say as how does this applies (or doesn’t) in situations where I felt trapped under white gaze. I’ll share next time!”
Nourishing the body:
I had a few moments of nourishing my body with beautiful food. One were these mixed micro greens from my local grocery store. They were pretty and yummy.
I’ve had this meal MANY times this month. Seasoned cucumbers + eggs over rice. Simple, but SO GOOD.
Here is how I season cucumbers: First I smash and cut an English cucumber. Add in some salt, sugar, sesame oil, soy sauce, fish sauce, rice wine vinegar, crushed pepper flakes. And when I’m feeling fancy, I also add minced garlic, green onions, and chili oil. Chill in the fridge. And enjoy!
Practiced letting the feels move through my body this month! Whether it’s joyful movements at home or taking walks with a friend, it felt like a relief to know that I can encourage energy to move through me. I noticed that my neck pain wasn’t as bad this month, and I’m so thankful for that.
Inner child art piece:
I worked on this piece all of August and finished it early September. My heart was poured into this piece. I felt my inner child being nourished and honored as I was painting. It has brought me comfort as I was feeling really down this month - it reminds me how my ancestors are by me. How joy and sunshine is part of liberation work, and is necessary.
Right now I’m mentally transitioning in selling this piece. I know that it isn’t for me to hold on forever. If you live in Chicago, let me know if you’re interested in adopting this piece!
Music:
Felt my soul feel thankful that Jamila Woods released this new single. I love the paperback version! CHECK IT OUT.
Joy:
I got a new air plant from Neighborly this month, and it lives on my work desk. The plants in my apartment gives me joy, because they always stretch towards the sun. Reminding me to stretch towards the sun too. They grow slowly, and reminds me that I get to grow slowly too.
Netflix:
Sister Sister
I watched many hours of this when I would be prepping for art pieces. All the nostalgia!!! Love this show so much.
It’s okay to not be okay
This K drama series was so enjoyable! I slowly made my way through it, and really really loved it. Highly recommend.
Scared for the implications of this.
no justice. no peace.
Breonna Taylor received no justice. I think that the collective feeling about this was such a deep moment of grief - of what this represents as society. How this hits in 2020. How this white supremest system and the police must be abolished. Tired, angry, determined, furious, sad, ready to fight, tired again, needing rest, finding ways to celebrate BIPOC communities. We need each other more than ever before. And each one of us need to hold ourselves accountable.
October webinar:
In July I hosted my first webinar, and it was a great experience. There was a resounding response of wanting more spaces to talk about art and ways to engage with art in a decolonial way. Since July, I’ve honed in on my skill of presenting and facilitating alittle more, and decided to offer the webinar again with a few changes. Excited for it!
For more information and to register or purchase the recording, visit my website!
Proving vs. sharing:
Posted this on my IG
“As an artist and human, I’ve been a long long path of learning how to grow my roots. I felt and sometimes still feel such a heavy weight to have to prove that I my art has meaning and that it’s valuable. After these years, I can feel the difference in energy when I’m feeling compelled to prove my art’s worth (aka also my worth as an artist) and wanting to share what is actually meaningful.
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August was a beautiful month to reconnect with art and why it’s my one of my chosen forms of expression and community engagement. It’s healing to be fully present in my body with colors and textures - exploring themes that are relevant to me on my own pace. No need to prove anything. My only focus is to nurture my soul and to be open to the discomforts that invite me to deepen my growing and healing.
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I love that art has been there for me, because proving vs sharing isn’t just an art thing. It’s a life thing. How I show up in my community. How I show up to myself.
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What’s your experience like in discerning between proving and sharing?”
Practicing pleasure:
I’ve always struggled in enjoying a bath. It would feel too hot or cold or I would get antsy. A few days ago, I decided to learn how to enjoy a warm bath this fall/winter. This pandemic has taught me how to slow down. Maybe it would help with learning how to find pleasure in accessible ways. So I took my first bath in years! Epsom salts, a few candles, and a tired body - I actually found it relaxing and pleasurable. You might laugh or roll your eyes! But I’m celebrating being able to find more pleasure during these dark times. I need the deep rest and joy and pleasure in order to be fueled to do liberation work. Hope I can also encourage you to prioritize pleasure this season!
I need your support:
My BIPOC Healing Fund is almost completely depleted from the Inner Child Healing workshop series, and I could use your support as I’m rolling out the Decolonial Healing + Art Webinar. My goal is to never turn down a Black or Brown person who desires to be resourced through my offerings. Please consider contributing - you can do so through this link.